Trial by Public Opinion

A couple of weeks ago, I was summoned for jury duty.

Ironically, I had just started watching Veronica Mars for the first time, so I thought I was mentally prepared.

I was absolutely not.

During orientation, the judge shared a story about a previous case and reminded us what jurors are really responsible for — listening carefully, weighing the evidence, and deciding someone’s fate based on truth.

And I sat there trying not to cry.

Because I’ve lived through something similar.

Jurors are randomly selected to give someone on trial a fair chance — to present their side, their evidence, their truth. And recently, I found myself in a situation where I wasn’t given that same grace.

I was accused of defamation.

Accused of not paying back money I supposedly took.

Accused of spreading lies.

As the conversation unfolded, I could feel it going nowhere. No understanding. No resolution. Just blame. So, I chose peace. I wished them well. And I walked away confused.

The only income I’ve received since 2019 has been from SSA - disability. The situation surrounding that money is complicated — complicated enough that from the outside, it might “look” a certain way. But what it looks like and what it is are two very different things.

Today, I am paying back double the amount in question.

There was continued access to my account after someone was removed as my representative. Communication was cut off. I was blocked. Even seeing that — I moved forward.

I’ve had to do that more times than I’d like to admit. With different people. Different circumstances. Same pattern.

And sitting in that jury orientation, I realized something:

It’s easy to form a verdict when you’ve only heard one side.

If I only ever share the polished parts of my life — the hiking wins, the milestones, the “look how far I’ve come” moments — that isn’t the full story. And it wouldn’t be honest.

Here’s my truth.

I have lied before.

Not to manipulate. Not to create drama. But to protect people. To avoid conflict. To survive being outnumbered. To keep the peace. And sometimes, to protect myself when I didn’t feel safe telling the whole truth.

But when you do that long enough, you start looking like the liar in every room — even when you’re finally telling the truth.

This past weekend I was told people see me as a fool. That “everyone knows”. That I make things up for a story. That I was never abused — despite multiple witnesses who know otherwise.

That one stung.

Because what people don’t know is my side.

Years ago, I started my YouTube channel because I wanted to vlog. That didn’t pan out the way I imagined. But now? If I’m going to be accused of this and that, I’d rather speak for myself.

I want people to see the circumstances. The context. The moments where I chose the wrong coping mechanism. The moments where fear shaped my decisions. The moments where trauma influenced my reactions.

Not as excuses.

But as explanation.

If I’m going to tell my story, I’m done telling it halfway.

I don’t want to be caught in half-truths anymore. I don’t want my past used as a weapon. I don’t want inconsistencies to be twisted into proof that I’m the villain.

I want the full story out there — messy, imperfect, human.

And honestly? It would be nice to free up some storage space too. Maybe I’ll even show my son my old cell phones from high school and let him try to operate them. Imagine explaining T9 texting to him. That alone is worth the chaos.

The last few weeks have been triggering.

But I’ve also been focused on therapy. On growth. On my future. On breaking patterns instead of repeating them.

So just like a jury — I’ll present my side.

And everyone else can form their own verdict.

Stay tuned for the relaunch of the YouTube channel: Shunt Happens.

I mean… what a painfully perfect pun for this chapter, right?

Besides, I have been delaying fixing my high school laptop and PC which is where everything is stored. Now, it's time to invest and fix it - because I'll be damned if someone tries to accuse me of something I have not done or lived through.

With love,

CT 💛